That’s the statement I heard yesterday from a truck driver who had just filled his truck with fuel and saw how much it was going to cost him. Two days ago the price per gallon of gasoline hit the four-dollar mark where I live and I heard on the radio that one year ago, gas per gallon was $2.87. That’s a jump of over 30%! And we want the government to step in and DO something?
The ship has already sailed on that one. The government has already stepped in and done something. That’s why gasoline is four dollars per gallon – because of what the government has already done! The government has already over-taxed oil companies to the point that any additional profit only means additional taxes. I don’t see that as an incentive to keep up the process of refinement. The government has already put so many restrictions on drilling and the construction of additional refineries that it is not profitable for an oil company to even try to build any more facilities.
The government has put so many environmental restrictions on so many things that we can’t drill for oil where we know oil is, and it’s likely that if we actually do find more oil within the US and actually do start drilling and refining domestic oil, the government will come along and add more taxes to the oil companies to show how they’re for the little guy.
Now I’m hearing that the government is considering putting a freeze on the retail price of gasoline so consumers won’t have to pay any more than they do right now until we “negotiate” with oil-producing countries over the price of a barrel of crude. That’s what the government is doing, which is basically nothing.
Anyone who has taken Negotiating 101 – or even has been in an argument on a school playground – knows one has to come to the negotiating table from a position of relative strength. We’re not in a position of strength in this negotiation right now. We’re somewhat – if not totally – at OPEC’s mercy when it comes to the purchase of a barrel of oil and I’m not too impressed with OPEC’s track record when it comes to mercy. So the price freeze – if they actually initiate one – is going to be in effect for a very long time.
That established, let’s take the price freeze idea to the next steps. The retail price is frozen so Mr. and Mrs. American Citizen no longer have to worry about the rising cost of a gallon of gasoline. They know it’s not going to get any higher. Now, when OPEC raises the cost of a barrel of oil – and you and I both know they will – the oil refining companies have to pay more for it. They cannot build the increased cost of goods into the retail price because that’s frozen, so their profit margin begins to shrink. Now the companies aren’t making as much profit as they used to so the government isn’t getting as much in taxes as they used to – that is unless the government arbitrarily raises taxes on oil companies again. Who do you think is going to make up that difference? You. How do you think that difference will be made up? Taxes. That’s the current government mantra. “You. Taxes. Any questions?”
But that’s not the only downside to that approach. How long will it take for oil companies to decide that the price of a gallon of oil and the cost of refining it into gasoline along with the inability to pass any of that cost to the consumer is no longer profitable? In truth, I don’t know how long it will take but I can tell you that it will happen and when it does, the oil companies are going to stop refining oil and our supply of gasoline will look like Ol’ Mother Hubbard’s cupboard. The oil companies are not going to take a loss on their process and there’s no reason they should have to. They’re in business for profit and when there is no longer any profit, there’s no longer a reason to stay in business. It's just no fun anymore.
So the next step is for the government step in and do something – like take over the refining of oil into gasoline. If you think the price of gasoline is high now, just wait until the government takes it over. You’ll have a higher price per gallon on gasoline (because they do not have to adhere to their own price freezes) and higher taxes since the taxes you were assessed earlier to make up for the difference when the oil companies began to pay less taxes (Have you ever seen taxes actually lowered?) and if you think we’re in a mess now, the fun will just be starting!
Or, we could try a novel approach - mine, or I should say the one I will initiate on January 21, 2009 if I get to change my address to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., but that's up to you.
We could freeze the taxes the oil companies pay right now and encourage them to use the profits they are making to drill for and refine the crude oil that is under the ground of the good ol’ United States. We could make the decision that our entire economy is of greater value to us than the fate of the Guatemalan Striped Spotted Checkered Gila Monster and allow oil companies to drill where they know there is oil but haven’t been able to do so with all of the animal rights laws. The whole Animal Rights thing will be up for review on January 21, 2009 as well, but that’s fodder for a different policy statement.
Then we temporarily relax the laws regarding the refining of crude and allow oil companies to refine oil and build refineries in a manner that makes them profitable thereby giving oil companies a real incentive to invest in America by investing in their own business. That’s not really a novel idea. It’s called free enterprise.
Let’s look at what we would have in that scenario. We’d have the oil companies free to obtain their raw material (oil) at the best price they could get (their own price since they’re the ones drilling for it) and refining it using a profitable method (the method they have designed and built with fewer restrictions) and what is the result? The supply of gasoline goes up, the retail price goes down (supply and demand), the oil companies make more profit and as a result, the government collects more money in the taxes the oil companies pay. The only entity that loses in this scenario is OPEC. Let’s hear a collective “Awwwwwwwww….”
During the interim, between the time legislature comes out from under the ether and the price of domestically produced gasoline becomes a reality, I have one more earth-shattering idea. Why don’t the government officials and the oil companies get on the same side of the table instead of seeing each other in an adversarial context? Give a buck here, take a buck there and we could probably get the price of gasoline down at least a little in about six weeks and keep it falling until it’s back to a reasonable price where Mr. and Mrs. American Citizen can afford it, oil companies can profit from it and the government can tax the income and profit of the oil companies in a fair and equitable manner. It's called the "Free Enterprise System" and it works!
See? That wasn’t so difficult, was it?
God Bless America and Long May it Wave.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
My Platform is Announced
Following are some policies and rationale I am running on in 2008. In truth, we have no idea what the real policies of the candidates are now, what they will be in November or what they going to be in the future. The wind will change directions and speed several times between now and November and even more times after the inauguration and only God knows what spin somebody is going to put on what rumor, innuendo or the slightest misstep someone might make.
With that in mind and shamelessly asking for your support, I submit my candidacy and declare today my policies for your consideration: These policies will not change just because they may be unpopular. These policies will be here tomorrow, on into November and they will be the policies after January 20, 2009. What you see is what you’re going to get.
My Foreign Policy
The United States will no longer interfere in the affairs of countries whose ideals, beliefs and policies are contrary to or in opposition to ours. We’ll promise never again to interfere with guys like Hitler, Mussolini, Ayatollah Khomeini, Saddam Hussein and the rest of those reasonable-minded people with whom we can sit down and bargain and work out our differences if their people see us as the Great Satan. We will cut off our foreign aid and any military support we may have been giving them. Being reasonable and optimistic people, we will make one attempt to “sit down and talk about” whatever the grievances or needs of the country might be but we will not negotiate with despots. There will be conditions to our support and the ball will be squarely in their court. If they don’t return the serve, it’s game, set, match.
If they’re our ally, they’ll act like they’re our ally. If they don’t act like our ally, then they aren’t our ally. I have better things to do for the good people of this country than to beg some ruthless dictator to please, please, please talk to us so we can help. We’ve also got better things to do with our money than to throw it at people who’ll use it to try to kill us.
As far as the mess in Iraq is concerned, I didn’t start that fiasco but it looks like I’m going to have to deal with it. I have no idea whether the people of Iraq want our help or not nor do I know what they want us to do if they actually do want our help, but I will make it a priority to find out. I will give the people of Iraq the opportunity to decide whether or not they want United States forces to stay or go and from that point, we’ll take our next steps. I’d like to pull the troops out of there right now but I really believe that regardless of our intentions, we’ve made a mess of things over there and we just can’t walk away from a mess we’ve helped to make. If the good citizens of Iraq want us to clean up our mess and go home – we will. After that, it’s “every Iraqi for himself” because we’re going home. If they want us to stay and help, we’ll do just that – help. We’ll help. We won’t do. We’ll help. Making a country self-sufficient will be our priority – there or if we’re ever involved in anything like this again.
I will do the same in all of the other countries where we have your sons and daughters stationed. If the good people in those countries we’re already in want us to help them build a democratic government, we will help them accomplish that task. If they don’t – we won’t. That takes care of all of the countries our next generation is occupying right now.
As far as future foreign policy is concerned, if they’re our ally – we’ll help. We will also expect their help if we need it. There’s no deciding whether or not to support the US on a case by case basis. If we’ve helped them, we expect their unconditional help in return – no questions asked. If they have to ask – our friendship is over. That’s “finis” in French. C’est dommage.
The UN Headquarters will become leased office space for the world headquarters for new start-up companies founded by individual citizens of the good ol’ US of A. We’ll lease the space at a break-even price for us and you just go about inventing, improving and innovating. I'll even give you a tax break for starting something up. Please see my Domestic Economic Policy.
My Military Policy
The finest young men and women on the planet are members of the United States military force. I have no intention to waste their time, energy and training on matters that don’t concern us or don’t move the American Way of Life forward. The military will never again be sent into a conflict that they cannot win or do not have the orders to win.
If circumstances make it necessary to employ our military, I will give them the authority to redefine the term “shock and awe” in a manner in which they see fit. They will no longer just be used as another country’s “police force”. Wherever they go, they will go to kick ass and not leave any names to take, or they won’t go. Mission is not accomplished until mission is completely accomplished and our bravest are back on our shores. They will be afforded the budget to keep them the strongest military force in the world and they will be expected to make good use of that budget should they be called into action.
I will allow the military leaders to make military decisions. Legislators know nothing about military procedure and neither do I. If I knew anything about battle strategy or troop deployment, I’d be playing World of Warcraft but I don’t. My orders will be, “You’re the experts – here’s the target – here’s what I want you to do to that target – now go do it!”
If one of America’s finest serve on active duty for four years, they will be allowed to enroll in any publicly supported post-secondary institution in the United States with all fees – read: “all” fees – waived. We will pick up their room, board, tuition, fees, books, materials and everything else to support their further education as long as they are enrolled in that institution pursuing a degree.
We’ll pay for it with the money we save by not dumping dollar bills into some country that takes our money with the left hand while trying to kill us all with their right. We’ll probably have money to spare.
My Immigration Policy
From 1:00pm EST on January 20, 2009 until 12:00pm PST on April 30, 2009, we will observe a General Amnesty on illegal immigrants. All illegal immigrants will have that time to get their affairs together and leave. They’re illegal. That means “against the law”. That means “crime”. That means they’re criminals and they’ll be treated as such. We'll get them to a point of departure and insure their safety until they are no longer on American soil, but on May 1, amnesty is over. If they want to come to America we’ll be thrilled to have them – but it will be legally on our terms. If they’re here illegally after the amnesty period, being in the country will be a federal offense – just like it is today. This time we’re going to actually enforce it. If they’re here illegally, they’ll leave immediately after incarceration and at their own expense. If they can’t afford it, we’ll give them room and board, teach them a trade and give them a job until they work off the cost. Once they work off the cost they’re out of here. Wherever they go, they’ll be the most highly qualified license plate makers or road trash gatherers in the world thanks to the on-the-job training given them by the USA.
Supplying a safe haven or refuge for illegal immigrants will be aiding and abetting a known criminal that is wanted by the federal government. I shouldn’t have to say anything else on that topic.
If you are employing an illegal immigrant after May 1 because you can pay them less than an American citizen, you’ve just lost your business. We will seize the business, deport the illegal immigrant employees and we may even give control of the business to a perfectly legal immigrant who is qualified to run that business. You can work for him or her for $2.50 an hour if that’s such a great wage – but only after you’ve pressed a few license plates of your own.
I will station the finest men and women in the world – the US military – at the fence I’ll build along the US-Mexican border and other points of entry into the US as soon as they’re home from their other preoccupations. If anyone tries to get through the fence or sneak through the port of entry, they’ll have GI problems and in this case GI doesn’t mean “gastro-intestinal”.
All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. If they’re from a nation even remotely associated with terrorism, they should be prepared to have their mail, phone, email and all other communication tapped and censored until they leave or become a citizen.
Student Visas will be subject to renewal every year with a maximum of five years. If students who are here on a visa don’t attend classes or if they flunk out, Visa may be “. . . everywhere you want to be . . .”, but wherever it is they want to be, it isn’t going to be the United States.
English will be the official language of the United States. If immigrants want to assimilate into our society, they might want to learn how to communicate with us. If they can’t make any attempts to assimilate into our society, we’re not going to assimilate into theirs. If there is an organization that wants to continue to be multi-lingual, that’s within their rights but we’ve just spent the last tax dollar we’re going to spend on printing signs, documents and whatever in every language known to man and we’ve just spent the last dollar paying for interpreters for every language on the planet – except maybe in court where I believe everyone should be afforded a fair trial.
All government offices will speak, write and publish in the English language. There are many good American bi-lingual citizens who will be glad to help anyone learn to speak and read English – they probably won’t even charge you for it. I think people would be surprised how kind, gracious and generous Americans can be toward immigrants when they don’t feel like they’re living in a foreign country instead of living in the land they love.
My Energy Policy
We will make a strong effort to become self sufficient energy-wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require some temporary drilling for oil in the Alaskan wilderness and off the Gulf Coast and wherever there is evidence of oil. The caribou and whales will have to cope for a while. We will allow PETA to send caribou psychiatrists or whale therapists to help the poor things through this difficult period. As far as harnessing natural resources for energy purposes is concerned, God told us to hold dominion over the animals and we’ll start with dominion over the snail darter, striped mollusk and smelt. We’ll proceed from there as necessary.
We will no longer subsidize the manufacturing of ethanol. If ethanol is so great, someone should figure out a way to make it affordable without a subsidy and reap the rewards of their efforts. We’ll call those rewards profit - a novel thought. If you can do it, you can make and sell all you want. This is called the free enterprise system where the market determines the price. That’s what made America the economic giant it once was and that’s what we’re going back to.
If someone wants to find a way to make wind power or solar power or any other kind of power efficient and affordable, I encourage them whole heartedly. The government won’t stand in your way by pandering to the big energy companies by putting all kinds of restrictions on you. Once again, it’s the free enterprise system so you’re free to be enterprising. And if you get rich doing it, the government won’t penalize you by raising your taxes just because somebody is jealous that you’ve been financially successful.
My Domestic Economic Policy
Taxing a company or an individual more than anyone else just because somebody has decided they can afford it is over. It’s not the government’s business to dictate how much someone makes in a free enterprise system. That’s what free enterprise means. It’s the government’s responsibility to provide an environment where free enterprise can abound and we’re not going to take away the incentive to make money by penalizing somebody more if they make money than if they didn’t make money. Keep earning money . . . that way we’ll never run out.
Paying taxes is inevitable and there’s no way we can get around it but everybody will pay taxes in proportion to their income level. The more you make the more dollars in taxes you’re going to have to pay but it will be based on your income and not someone else's determination of your ability to pay. Maybe Steve Forbes was right and a flat tax really is the way to go. I’ll look into it and get back with you before November.
Any company that moves their headquarters to a foreign country to pay someone other than an American citizen less money will be subject to a tax equal to that of any other business in a foreign country. There will be no benefits for outsourcing labor. In fact, it will cost you more. Hire American citizens, headquarter your business on American soil and everybody wins.
We will balance the US budget each year. If the legislators cannot balance the budget prior to when the fiscal year begins, they will be sequestered and kept in session until they do. This will be at their expense and without incremental pay or per diem during that period. I think we’ll see how fast a group of people can come to an agreement when their own money is on the line. They were hired to do a job so we should expect them to do the job.
Throwing money at a problem has never solved that problem so it's not too smart to keep on doing the same thing expecting different results. It may take an outlay of cash to solve the problem in the beginning but we’ll use the money to solve the problem and not just keep someone from feeling the pain of the problem.
My Social Welfare Policy
You just got your last welfare check for just being able to breathe – or breed either. If you’re an able-bodied American citizen, you’re going to trade some kind of labor for your welfare benefits. If you’re not an able-bodied American citizen, you’re what welfare is for – don’t sweat it - we've got you covered. And if you’re not American citizen, it will be illegal to even apply for welfare benefits for yourself in the United States, with the penalty being deportation. Please see my Immigration Policy.
Welfare will be designed to help you get yourself off of welfare and on to being a productive member of the American society so be prepared for it. We won’t cut you off short but your welfare benefits will be on a declining scale once you’re employed. There will be more incentive to be off of welfare than presently where you make more money on welfare than you could with a full time job. This insanity has got to stop.
If you father a child, you’re going to help raise it. It does not take a village to raise a child, it takes parents and generally speaking, each child has two. If you don’t want to be around to watch your child grow up, that’s you’re business but don’t think we won’t take the first dollars out of your paycheck to help support that child.
My Domestic Crime Policy
If you’re a member of a gang, you’ve the same period that pertains to illegal immigration applies to you. Use that time to dissolve the gang. After May 1, 2009, any gang-related violence in a neighborhood will be met by those heroes of the American military forces guarding the borders being sent into your neighborhood and “It’s on, cuz!” These great Americans are tired of laying their lives on the line for ungrateful, lazy bullies like you anyway so this will be a lot less of a problem for them than you might think. I really don’t care how bad you are or how bad you think you are – my military can beat your gang members any day of the week and twice on Sundays – heck, we got TANKS – and we’ll have no qualms about proving it. Basically, we’re going to take you out and leave very little evidence of your measly existence.
“(T)he right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed” is pretty clear to me. You’re not going to be able to strap on a hog-leg or walk around at port arms with an M-16 but if you can think of a better way to deter someone robbing, raping beating you or one of your family than a good ol’ handgun, I’d like to hear it. However if someone uses a gun to commit any crime, it’s life in prison with no chance of parole. And shooting someone just because you thought they were armed doesn’t give you any break. If some honest, God-fearing law-abiding citizen packing heat shoots another person who is in the act of committing a felony using a gun and takes matters into his/her own hands thereby saving an innocent victim possible bodily harm, that person will be exempt from any Federal Income Tax for 10 years.
If you commit a crime against any child, before any sentence begins you will spend 10 minutes in a room with 20 couples who have lost their child to scum sucking waste like yourself. Ten minutes will be long enough. You really probably won’t last five. If you commit a sex crime against a child, the father of said child will be the one who determines your mode of punishment and will have first right of refusal for carrying it out. We're not going to tolerate anyone abusing our kids ever again. The same goes for our women. Punch one of our women out and you can expect to go away for a long time in a place where you can be Bubba’s woman for awhile.
If you think you're going to shoot up a public place so you can go out in a blaze of glory, think again. You're going to go out alright and it will likely be in a blaze. But it won't be anything close to glory. We will not televise the incident, we will not post your photo in the papers or on TV, we won't air the video of you ranting about how you've been treated and we won't read your insane manifesto aloud to anyone. We’ll just “handle it” and go on like you never existed. If you’re smart and surrender or are lucky and are captured and aren’t killed or aren’t stupid and don’t commit suicide, your trial will be held with no press and no public admittance. We’ll go for the death penalty and execute you in an undisclosed place with no fanfare. There goes your fifteen minutes of fame. Try doing something productive for your notoriety!
I don’t care if your father spanked you, if your mother yelled at you, your dog bit you or whatever your issue is. If you do the crime, you’re going to do the time – somewhere. It’s going to be prison or jail or an institution or somewhere but getting off because your third grade teacher didn’t like your self-portrait and that damaged you for life is a thing of the past.
Finally, capital punishment is a capital idea. Murder and rape will be two crimes for which capital punishment will be the minimum sentencing standard. Murder someone or rape someone and you’ll be playing “Musical Chair Roulette” by yourself around ol’ Sparky.
I realize that enforcing these Domestic Crime Policies will add to the overcrowding of our jails but I’ve got a plan for that, too. We’ll build more jails and it’s not going to be as difficult and costly as one might think. We’re not going to build lavish palatial estates in which you can while away the hours of your incarceration watching Oprah, reading Playboy, studying law that you’ll never be allowed to practice or becoming a muscle-bound ape. We’re going to build Quonset huts around industrial installations where you’ll work for no fewer than eight hours a day, six days a week at some kind of productive labor. Maybe you could supply the farm labor for the legal immigrant who’s going to own the farm we take away from the guy who thought he could hire illegal immigrant labor for less money than legal labor. That’s not a bad idea. I’ll check into that, too.
We’ll make sure you’re as comfortable as you can be but you’re serving time for a crime not kickin’ back on a temporary hiatus from the boyz. We won’t build these things in Death Valley with no air conditioning or in International Falls with no heat, but you won’t want to come back any time soon either. Not having color TV, carpeting, beer, all the food you can eat, a comfortable bed and time for yourself is not cruel and unusual punishment.
My Policy on Abortion
Abortion is the taking of a life . . . . period. And there are penalties for that. That’s my stance. While that should be enough said, it probably won’t satisfy those whose first reaction to that statement is, “Yeah, but what about in the case of rape or incest?” What percentage of abortions is due to rape or incest . . . . 1% . . . 2%? While I’d like to include that miniscule fraction of the abortions performed, I’m not completely sure that’s exactly the right thing to do. We’re going to have to ponder that particular position for awhile but until we figure that point out and for the other 99% of the time, abortion is the taking of a life . . . . period.
To the argument that the government has no right to decide what goes on in someone’s bedroom, I can only comment that I don’t believe most abortions are performed in a bedroom. I believe most abortions are performed at a clinic which is a lot more sterile than a bedroom. Even if a great number of abortions are performed outside of a clinic in some back alley somewhere, making abortion illegal and murder punishable by death will cut down on that practice. I know we’re not going to completely stop back-alley abortions by making them illegal but we’ll put a big dent in them. We’ll work on what we’re going to do with butchers from another standpoint once we’ve got the big problem taken care of.
To the argument that the government has no right to decide what contraceptive method someone uses, I’ll just say if you’re using abortion as a contraceptive method, you’re thinking with the wrong end of your body. If you believe abortion to be a viable form of contraception, you aren’t smart enough to be allowed to have children. We’re going to have to get you out of mainstream society before you hurt someone other than your child.
I’ve not found the phrase “right to choose” in any of the founding documents. I have found the “right to life” in the Declaration of Independence – that’s a pretty important piece of parchment. I have read in the Constitution where we are trying to secure the blessings of liberty to our posterity as well as ourselves. It seems to me that “life” for our “posterity” pretty well speaks against killing our children.
My Church and State Policy
“Freedom of religion shall not be abridged” means exactly what it says. We’ve arrived at this point in our society because God has been thrown out of everything He was once involved in. Americans are supposed to be free to worship God in the manner prescribed by their particular faith. As long as you don’t take it to the point where you’re interfering with someone else’s right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”, practice your religion the way you see fit. I’m behind you all the way whether you’re a Christian, Jew, Muslim, Taoist or Whatever.
Nobody is going to force you into doing something to honor their religious practices so don’t expect any special treatment regarding yours. If your religion requires you to pray nine or ten times a day and your employer or school cannot disrupt everything and everybody for you to do so, or if they won’t spend thousands of dollars so you can pray in the environment of your choice, don’t tell the government about it. Work it out.
If someone is “offended” by the way you worship your God, they’ll be advised that the rest of us are offended by the way they don’t worship any god at all, so everyone has to just get over it and get along. Putting a manger scene during Christmas, a menorah during Chanukah, celebrating Kwanzaa or displaying a crescent moon and star during Ramadan on the courthouse square is not the establishment of a state religion. It’s recognizing that many faiths make up America. I’m all for it.
I can’t find the term “Separation of Church and State” in the Constitution and neither can you. The President is sworn to uphold the Constitution and not the constitution that some people would like it to be. I don’t want to hear that phrase “Separation of Church and State” again for the next eight years. Worship God or don’t worship God but keep it out of the government’s to decide. We’ve already stated our position once and we don’t need to keep stating it over and over again.
My Policy on Terrorism and Terrorists
Once upon a time there were two huge buildings in downtown Manhattan that are no longer there. If you plot or perform one act of terrorism against the United States or one of our citizens, the same thing will be said about you – “no longer there”. If you are plotting terrorism against the United States, you just lost all your rights. You don’t have a right to habeas corpus, you don’t have a right to “reasonable” search and seizure, you don’t have a right to your privacy and you don’t have a right to go about your life in the manner in which you see fit.
If we have reason to believe you are plotting terrorism, we’ll use every means available to determine whether you are or you are not. Be prepared to be trailed, tapped and watched in everything you do or say. Plot terrorism against the United States and your loved ones will speak of you fondly but in the past tense.
If somehow you slip through our nets and are actually successful in some terrorist action, we’ll hunt you down like ol’ Bullitt trees a coon and the only terror you’ll experience ever again is the terror in your eyes when you realize what Bullitt’s reward is for finding you. Dinner is served.
My Policy on Drugs
If you’ve got a prescription for a drug – take the drug. If the prescription drug is going to alter your perception of reality, you might want to take that into consideration when you’re using it. Other than that, it’s simply a matter of legal drugs or illegal drugs.
If you take illegal drugs, stop now. If you need help stopping, we’ll help you. If you’re addicted to illegal drugs and you want to get help, we’re going to try to help you. We’ll have some programs for those who use or are addicted and want to make something positive of themselves without the drug. If you’re addicted and you don’t want to get help, we’re not going to force you to get help. We’re also not going to just give you any help, either. Refer to my Domestic Economic Policy, specifically about welfare reform.
If you’re using illegal drugs for recreational purposes, you might try camping or fishing instead. Possession of illegal drugs is illegal and slaps on the wrist are not punishment that fits the crime. You are going to do some time.
If you sell illegal drugs, you might want to find another line of work. We will do everything within our power to hang an “Out of Business” sign right on the front of your business establishment – and I mean everything. Once we’ve captured you, it’s off to one of those Quonset huts for awhile. If you haven’t learned your lesson after that and sell again, it’s off to the same Quonset hut for the rest of your miserable life.
If you sell illegal drugs to someone under eighteen years of age, you’ve sold illegal drugs to a minor and that is not going to be tolerated. Say goodbye to freedom forever. “Three strikes and you’re out!” is only applicable in baseball – not the illegal trafficking of drugs.
If you try to smuggle drugs into the United States of America – well, you should know by now that life as you used to know it is over. We will take your drugs along with your freedom, seize everything you own, sell it for as much as we can get out of it and use the money to help those you used to supply to get you and your drugs out of their system. Refer to paragraph two of this section.
My Policy on Gun Control
No, my policy on Gun Control is not defining it as “using both hands”. I’ve already explained my policy on committing a crime using a gun and how I feel about Conceal and Carry but there are other issues with Gun Control that I’ve not addressed at this point.
Criminals of any level don’t get guns – ever – for the rest of their lives. People under twenty-one don’t get guns until they’re at least twenty-one. You can take your child hunting with you with your and his/her legally registered gun after you’ve both obtained permits after taking gun-safety courses but the adult is completely, totally and irrefutable responsible for the child’s behavior as well as his own.
You might think twice before carrying a gun while you’re under the influence of alcohol or any drug – legal or illegal – that might hamper your ability to reason clearly. Remember – driving under the influence or public intoxication is illegal which means it’s a crime. If using a gun to commit a crime is going to be immediate life imprisonment, having a gun during the commission of a crime will be a pretty serious offense as well. So having too many beers while you’re shooting up Bambi might not be a real good idea – and driving a vehicle while under the influence and carrying a weapon will be just a dumb thing to do.
My Policy on Race Relations
Rodney King had the right idea. Why can’t we all just get along?
If you voted for Barack Obama, someone will call you’re a sexist pig. If you voted for Hilary Clinton, you’re going to be called a racist Nazi. If you vote for John McCain, you're voting for an extension of the current president. Let’s quit trying to divide everybody and start bringing people together.
One of the biggest reasons there is so much racism and sexism in this country is because we focus on it so much. If we stopped trying to find a racist or sexist or any kind of negative comment or action in anything anyone of a race or gender different from ours says or does, there’d be less racism, sexism or any number of "isms" to deal with.
Incremental punishment for “hate crimes”, however will be abolished. Nobody’s life is more important than another’s because of the color of their skin or any other criteria – so someone isn’t going to suffer more punishment because his crime is seen as being more heinous against one race than another.
Affirmative Action does not lead to positive results. It is against the law to make race, color, creed, etc. a criteria for special consideration in hiring and promoting so it will be against the law to make race, color, creed, etc. a criteria for special consideration in hiring and promoting. Affirmative Action is Negative Action. It should be demeaning to the self-respect of an individual to think that he or she was selected solely because of the color of their skin. If it isn’t demeaning to the person – they’ve got other problems as well and they’re probably not the kind of person you’d want to hire or promote anyway.
My Past and My Skeletons
Yeah, I got both. So do you. So does everyone else. If you really think a couple of tokes on this or that thirtysomething years ago makes a difference today (and I did inhale), then vote for somebody else because I’m not your guy. If you think I’m going worry about what some chick says about some one-nighter thirtysomething years ago, you are highly mistaken. She probably doesn’t remember it any better than I do. I’ve been divorced – twice. But I’ve been married to my third and favorite wife for 25+ years. That’s a pretty good record.
And yessiree, I’ve been drunk before – hundreds of times. I’ve even driven when I was under the influence. That was thirtysomething years ago, too. Heck, I’ve even been arrested once for disorderly conduct and spent three hours in jail – again thirtysomething years ago. What have YOU done in the last thirtysomething years ago that you wish you hadn’t?
There – I’ve saved you a lot of time looking for some dirt on me. There it is. Make something of that.
My Closing Remarks
To those who believe these stances and positions are way too harsh and way too negative, I can only say that I wish circumstances in my country weren’t the way they are that got us to the point of needing stances and positions like this to straighten things out for us. This country is totally out of control. This is not the same United States that my father’s friends stormed the beaches of Anzio, Normandy and Iwo Jima for. This is not the same America for which The Greatest Generation flocked to the military recruiter’s office on December 8, 1941. No, I don’t want to go back to the way things were back then, but I wouldn’t mind returning the pride in America and in each other that was alive back then.
This country is being completely destroyed from the inside out and we’re standing by watching it happen, wringing our hands and wishing Superman or Batman or even Underdog would come and rescue us. That’s not going to happen. If you want somebody to save the America you love and return it to the greatest country on the planet, why don’t you do it? Why don’t you draw a line in the sand and dare the destructive forces to cross it? Even better – why don’t we all do it together? If we do it together, we’ll likely be more successful and appreciate it even more!
It doesn’t matter whether you’re Christian or Jewish or Muslim or whatever. It doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, red or chartreuse. It doesn’t matter if you’re male, female or somewhere in between. The principles that we all have in common are what counts. We’re so busy celebrating our differences that we’ve forgotten what got us together in the first place – the things we have in common! Stop thinking about me, me, me and start thinking about us, us, us or there won’t be any us, us, us for you to be you, you, you in.
There’s nothing wrong with peace, respect for your neighbor, working toward a common goal, or taking back your neighborhood, your city, your state and your country from the thugs and gang scum that have taken it from you. America is made up of decent law-abiding people who have had their country stolen, sold out from under them or taken over by intimidation. America is better than that. You’re better than that.
Yeah, I’m taking a pretty hard stance on a lot of things but look what not taking a hard stance on anything has done for us. And do I think I can get all of this accomplished in four or eight years by myself? No, not by myself, but I believe you and I together can make a pretty good run at it. I believe that those who want the real America back can make such a run at it that the next leader of our country will be afraid not to keep up the momentum.
I’m going to have to rely on you and you’re going to have to rely on me. I’ll try to do exactly what I’ve said I’ll do in this document but you’ve got to help. You’ve got to vote not only for me, but vote for those who believe in the same things you believe in. All of the things we agree on and would like to see done don’t mean anything if we don’t get the legislators to go along with it. If your legislator doesn’t agree with the way you believe – put him or her on unemployment. Within two years we can change 100% of the House of Representatives and 33% of the Senate to see things our way and return this country to greatness and respect all over the world. What’s even more is that we can return respect for America to ourselves.
This land is your land – it’s the land that you love. You wouldn’t stand quietly by while someone raped, degraded, disrespected, murdered and disembodied one of your loved ones, would you? You wouldn’t stand idly by if one of your loved ones was destroying themselves from within, would you? Why, then are we standing by while people are destroying your country – the place where you and your loved ones can have the best the world has to offer – and doing it from the inside?
One of the main candidates keeps talking about “change”. I’m talking about change, too. I have no idea what kind of change that candidate is trying to bring about, but you’ve read the kind of change I’m trying to bring about. We’re going to have “change” alright but it’s up to you to decide what kind of change you want. I want to take back America from those who are trying to destroy it and return it to those who are willing to work, sweat, vote, pray, cry, fight, bleed and die for it.
Those who agree with my policies aren’t going to give one hoot about me having some beer in the past, some fling I may have had or a $25 suspended fine thirty six years ago. Those who do give a hoot about one or more of those things and actually think that has any bearing on me executing the office of president today – vote for Obama or McCain. Now there’s two decisive, firm leaders with a purpose. You’ll get change with them too, but I don’t think you’ll be able to afford to “keep the change”.
God Bless America and Long May It Wave.
May I count on your vote?
With that in mind and shamelessly asking for your support, I submit my candidacy and declare today my policies for your consideration: These policies will not change just because they may be unpopular. These policies will be here tomorrow, on into November and they will be the policies after January 20, 2009. What you see is what you’re going to get.
My Foreign Policy
The United States will no longer interfere in the affairs of countries whose ideals, beliefs and policies are contrary to or in opposition to ours. We’ll promise never again to interfere with guys like Hitler, Mussolini, Ayatollah Khomeini, Saddam Hussein and the rest of those reasonable-minded people with whom we can sit down and bargain and work out our differences if their people see us as the Great Satan. We will cut off our foreign aid and any military support we may have been giving them. Being reasonable and optimistic people, we will make one attempt to “sit down and talk about” whatever the grievances or needs of the country might be but we will not negotiate with despots. There will be conditions to our support and the ball will be squarely in their court. If they don’t return the serve, it’s game, set, match.
If they’re our ally, they’ll act like they’re our ally. If they don’t act like our ally, then they aren’t our ally. I have better things to do for the good people of this country than to beg some ruthless dictator to please, please, please talk to us so we can help. We’ve also got better things to do with our money than to throw it at people who’ll use it to try to kill us.
As far as the mess in Iraq is concerned, I didn’t start that fiasco but it looks like I’m going to have to deal with it. I have no idea whether the people of Iraq want our help or not nor do I know what they want us to do if they actually do want our help, but I will make it a priority to find out. I will give the people of Iraq the opportunity to decide whether or not they want United States forces to stay or go and from that point, we’ll take our next steps. I’d like to pull the troops out of there right now but I really believe that regardless of our intentions, we’ve made a mess of things over there and we just can’t walk away from a mess we’ve helped to make. If the good citizens of Iraq want us to clean up our mess and go home – we will. After that, it’s “every Iraqi for himself” because we’re going home. If they want us to stay and help, we’ll do just that – help. We’ll help. We won’t do. We’ll help. Making a country self-sufficient will be our priority – there or if we’re ever involved in anything like this again.
I will do the same in all of the other countries where we have your sons and daughters stationed. If the good people in those countries we’re already in want us to help them build a democratic government, we will help them accomplish that task. If they don’t – we won’t. That takes care of all of the countries our next generation is occupying right now.
As far as future foreign policy is concerned, if they’re our ally – we’ll help. We will also expect their help if we need it. There’s no deciding whether or not to support the US on a case by case basis. If we’ve helped them, we expect their unconditional help in return – no questions asked. If they have to ask – our friendship is over. That’s “finis” in French. C’est dommage.
The UN Headquarters will become leased office space for the world headquarters for new start-up companies founded by individual citizens of the good ol’ US of A. We’ll lease the space at a break-even price for us and you just go about inventing, improving and innovating. I'll even give you a tax break for starting something up. Please see my Domestic Economic Policy.
My Military Policy
The finest young men and women on the planet are members of the United States military force. I have no intention to waste their time, energy and training on matters that don’t concern us or don’t move the American Way of Life forward. The military will never again be sent into a conflict that they cannot win or do not have the orders to win.
If circumstances make it necessary to employ our military, I will give them the authority to redefine the term “shock and awe” in a manner in which they see fit. They will no longer just be used as another country’s “police force”. Wherever they go, they will go to kick ass and not leave any names to take, or they won’t go. Mission is not accomplished until mission is completely accomplished and our bravest are back on our shores. They will be afforded the budget to keep them the strongest military force in the world and they will be expected to make good use of that budget should they be called into action.
I will allow the military leaders to make military decisions. Legislators know nothing about military procedure and neither do I. If I knew anything about battle strategy or troop deployment, I’d be playing World of Warcraft but I don’t. My orders will be, “You’re the experts – here’s the target – here’s what I want you to do to that target – now go do it!”
If one of America’s finest serve on active duty for four years, they will be allowed to enroll in any publicly supported post-secondary institution in the United States with all fees – read: “all” fees – waived. We will pick up their room, board, tuition, fees, books, materials and everything else to support their further education as long as they are enrolled in that institution pursuing a degree.
We’ll pay for it with the money we save by not dumping dollar bills into some country that takes our money with the left hand while trying to kill us all with their right. We’ll probably have money to spare.
My Immigration Policy
From 1:00pm EST on January 20, 2009 until 12:00pm PST on April 30, 2009, we will observe a General Amnesty on illegal immigrants. All illegal immigrants will have that time to get their affairs together and leave. They’re illegal. That means “against the law”. That means “crime”. That means they’re criminals and they’ll be treated as such. We'll get them to a point of departure and insure their safety until they are no longer on American soil, but on May 1, amnesty is over. If they want to come to America we’ll be thrilled to have them – but it will be legally on our terms. If they’re here illegally after the amnesty period, being in the country will be a federal offense – just like it is today. This time we’re going to actually enforce it. If they’re here illegally, they’ll leave immediately after incarceration and at their own expense. If they can’t afford it, we’ll give them room and board, teach them a trade and give them a job until they work off the cost. Once they work off the cost they’re out of here. Wherever they go, they’ll be the most highly qualified license plate makers or road trash gatherers in the world thanks to the on-the-job training given them by the USA.
Supplying a safe haven or refuge for illegal immigrants will be aiding and abetting a known criminal that is wanted by the federal government. I shouldn’t have to say anything else on that topic.
If you are employing an illegal immigrant after May 1 because you can pay them less than an American citizen, you’ve just lost your business. We will seize the business, deport the illegal immigrant employees and we may even give control of the business to a perfectly legal immigrant who is qualified to run that business. You can work for him or her for $2.50 an hour if that’s such a great wage – but only after you’ve pressed a few license plates of your own.
I will station the finest men and women in the world – the US military – at the fence I’ll build along the US-Mexican border and other points of entry into the US as soon as they’re home from their other preoccupations. If anyone tries to get through the fence or sneak through the port of entry, they’ll have GI problems and in this case GI doesn’t mean “gastro-intestinal”.
All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. If they’re from a nation even remotely associated with terrorism, they should be prepared to have their mail, phone, email and all other communication tapped and censored until they leave or become a citizen.
Student Visas will be subject to renewal every year with a maximum of five years. If students who are here on a visa don’t attend classes or if they flunk out, Visa may be “. . . everywhere you want to be . . .”, but wherever it is they want to be, it isn’t going to be the United States.
English will be the official language of the United States. If immigrants want to assimilate into our society, they might want to learn how to communicate with us. If they can’t make any attempts to assimilate into our society, we’re not going to assimilate into theirs. If there is an organization that wants to continue to be multi-lingual, that’s within their rights but we’ve just spent the last tax dollar we’re going to spend on printing signs, documents and whatever in every language known to man and we’ve just spent the last dollar paying for interpreters for every language on the planet – except maybe in court where I believe everyone should be afforded a fair trial.
All government offices will speak, write and publish in the English language. There are many good American bi-lingual citizens who will be glad to help anyone learn to speak and read English – they probably won’t even charge you for it. I think people would be surprised how kind, gracious and generous Americans can be toward immigrants when they don’t feel like they’re living in a foreign country instead of living in the land they love.
My Energy Policy
We will make a strong effort to become self sufficient energy-wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require some temporary drilling for oil in the Alaskan wilderness and off the Gulf Coast and wherever there is evidence of oil. The caribou and whales will have to cope for a while. We will allow PETA to send caribou psychiatrists or whale therapists to help the poor things through this difficult period. As far as harnessing natural resources for energy purposes is concerned, God told us to hold dominion over the animals and we’ll start with dominion over the snail darter, striped mollusk and smelt. We’ll proceed from there as necessary.
We will no longer subsidize the manufacturing of ethanol. If ethanol is so great, someone should figure out a way to make it affordable without a subsidy and reap the rewards of their efforts. We’ll call those rewards profit - a novel thought. If you can do it, you can make and sell all you want. This is called the free enterprise system where the market determines the price. That’s what made America the economic giant it once was and that’s what we’re going back to.
If someone wants to find a way to make wind power or solar power or any other kind of power efficient and affordable, I encourage them whole heartedly. The government won’t stand in your way by pandering to the big energy companies by putting all kinds of restrictions on you. Once again, it’s the free enterprise system so you’re free to be enterprising. And if you get rich doing it, the government won’t penalize you by raising your taxes just because somebody is jealous that you’ve been financially successful.
My Domestic Economic Policy
Taxing a company or an individual more than anyone else just because somebody has decided they can afford it is over. It’s not the government’s business to dictate how much someone makes in a free enterprise system. That’s what free enterprise means. It’s the government’s responsibility to provide an environment where free enterprise can abound and we’re not going to take away the incentive to make money by penalizing somebody more if they make money than if they didn’t make money. Keep earning money . . . that way we’ll never run out.
Paying taxes is inevitable and there’s no way we can get around it but everybody will pay taxes in proportion to their income level. The more you make the more dollars in taxes you’re going to have to pay but it will be based on your income and not someone else's determination of your ability to pay. Maybe Steve Forbes was right and a flat tax really is the way to go. I’ll look into it and get back with you before November.
Any company that moves their headquarters to a foreign country to pay someone other than an American citizen less money will be subject to a tax equal to that of any other business in a foreign country. There will be no benefits for outsourcing labor. In fact, it will cost you more. Hire American citizens, headquarter your business on American soil and everybody wins.
We will balance the US budget each year. If the legislators cannot balance the budget prior to when the fiscal year begins, they will be sequestered and kept in session until they do. This will be at their expense and without incremental pay or per diem during that period. I think we’ll see how fast a group of people can come to an agreement when their own money is on the line. They were hired to do a job so we should expect them to do the job.
Throwing money at a problem has never solved that problem so it's not too smart to keep on doing the same thing expecting different results. It may take an outlay of cash to solve the problem in the beginning but we’ll use the money to solve the problem and not just keep someone from feeling the pain of the problem.
My Social Welfare Policy
You just got your last welfare check for just being able to breathe – or breed either. If you’re an able-bodied American citizen, you’re going to trade some kind of labor for your welfare benefits. If you’re not an able-bodied American citizen, you’re what welfare is for – don’t sweat it - we've got you covered. And if you’re not American citizen, it will be illegal to even apply for welfare benefits for yourself in the United States, with the penalty being deportation. Please see my Immigration Policy.
Welfare will be designed to help you get yourself off of welfare and on to being a productive member of the American society so be prepared for it. We won’t cut you off short but your welfare benefits will be on a declining scale once you’re employed. There will be more incentive to be off of welfare than presently where you make more money on welfare than you could with a full time job. This insanity has got to stop.
If you father a child, you’re going to help raise it. It does not take a village to raise a child, it takes parents and generally speaking, each child has two. If you don’t want to be around to watch your child grow up, that’s you’re business but don’t think we won’t take the first dollars out of your paycheck to help support that child.
My Domestic Crime Policy
If you’re a member of a gang, you’ve the same period that pertains to illegal immigration applies to you. Use that time to dissolve the gang. After May 1, 2009, any gang-related violence in a neighborhood will be met by those heroes of the American military forces guarding the borders being sent into your neighborhood and “It’s on, cuz!” These great Americans are tired of laying their lives on the line for ungrateful, lazy bullies like you anyway so this will be a lot less of a problem for them than you might think. I really don’t care how bad you are or how bad you think you are – my military can beat your gang members any day of the week and twice on Sundays – heck, we got TANKS – and we’ll have no qualms about proving it. Basically, we’re going to take you out and leave very little evidence of your measly existence.
“(T)he right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed” is pretty clear to me. You’re not going to be able to strap on a hog-leg or walk around at port arms with an M-16 but if you can think of a better way to deter someone robbing, raping beating you or one of your family than a good ol’ handgun, I’d like to hear it. However if someone uses a gun to commit any crime, it’s life in prison with no chance of parole. And shooting someone just because you thought they were armed doesn’t give you any break. If some honest, God-fearing law-abiding citizen packing heat shoots another person who is in the act of committing a felony using a gun and takes matters into his/her own hands thereby saving an innocent victim possible bodily harm, that person will be exempt from any Federal Income Tax for 10 years.
If you commit a crime against any child, before any sentence begins you will spend 10 minutes in a room with 20 couples who have lost their child to scum sucking waste like yourself. Ten minutes will be long enough. You really probably won’t last five. If you commit a sex crime against a child, the father of said child will be the one who determines your mode of punishment and will have first right of refusal for carrying it out. We're not going to tolerate anyone abusing our kids ever again. The same goes for our women. Punch one of our women out and you can expect to go away for a long time in a place where you can be Bubba’s woman for awhile.
If you think you're going to shoot up a public place so you can go out in a blaze of glory, think again. You're going to go out alright and it will likely be in a blaze. But it won't be anything close to glory. We will not televise the incident, we will not post your photo in the papers or on TV, we won't air the video of you ranting about how you've been treated and we won't read your insane manifesto aloud to anyone. We’ll just “handle it” and go on like you never existed. If you’re smart and surrender or are lucky and are captured and aren’t killed or aren’t stupid and don’t commit suicide, your trial will be held with no press and no public admittance. We’ll go for the death penalty and execute you in an undisclosed place with no fanfare. There goes your fifteen minutes of fame. Try doing something productive for your notoriety!
I don’t care if your father spanked you, if your mother yelled at you, your dog bit you or whatever your issue is. If you do the crime, you’re going to do the time – somewhere. It’s going to be prison or jail or an institution or somewhere but getting off because your third grade teacher didn’t like your self-portrait and that damaged you for life is a thing of the past.
Finally, capital punishment is a capital idea. Murder and rape will be two crimes for which capital punishment will be the minimum sentencing standard. Murder someone or rape someone and you’ll be playing “Musical Chair Roulette” by yourself around ol’ Sparky.
I realize that enforcing these Domestic Crime Policies will add to the overcrowding of our jails but I’ve got a plan for that, too. We’ll build more jails and it’s not going to be as difficult and costly as one might think. We’re not going to build lavish palatial estates in which you can while away the hours of your incarceration watching Oprah, reading Playboy, studying law that you’ll never be allowed to practice or becoming a muscle-bound ape. We’re going to build Quonset huts around industrial installations where you’ll work for no fewer than eight hours a day, six days a week at some kind of productive labor. Maybe you could supply the farm labor for the legal immigrant who’s going to own the farm we take away from the guy who thought he could hire illegal immigrant labor for less money than legal labor. That’s not a bad idea. I’ll check into that, too.
We’ll make sure you’re as comfortable as you can be but you’re serving time for a crime not kickin’ back on a temporary hiatus from the boyz. We won’t build these things in Death Valley with no air conditioning or in International Falls with no heat, but you won’t want to come back any time soon either. Not having color TV, carpeting, beer, all the food you can eat, a comfortable bed and time for yourself is not cruel and unusual punishment.
My Policy on Abortion
Abortion is the taking of a life . . . . period. And there are penalties for that. That’s my stance. While that should be enough said, it probably won’t satisfy those whose first reaction to that statement is, “Yeah, but what about in the case of rape or incest?” What percentage of abortions is due to rape or incest . . . . 1% . . . 2%? While I’d like to include that miniscule fraction of the abortions performed, I’m not completely sure that’s exactly the right thing to do. We’re going to have to ponder that particular position for awhile but until we figure that point out and for the other 99% of the time, abortion is the taking of a life . . . . period.
To the argument that the government has no right to decide what goes on in someone’s bedroom, I can only comment that I don’t believe most abortions are performed in a bedroom. I believe most abortions are performed at a clinic which is a lot more sterile than a bedroom. Even if a great number of abortions are performed outside of a clinic in some back alley somewhere, making abortion illegal and murder punishable by death will cut down on that practice. I know we’re not going to completely stop back-alley abortions by making them illegal but we’ll put a big dent in them. We’ll work on what we’re going to do with butchers from another standpoint once we’ve got the big problem taken care of.
To the argument that the government has no right to decide what contraceptive method someone uses, I’ll just say if you’re using abortion as a contraceptive method, you’re thinking with the wrong end of your body. If you believe abortion to be a viable form of contraception, you aren’t smart enough to be allowed to have children. We’re going to have to get you out of mainstream society before you hurt someone other than your child.
I’ve not found the phrase “right to choose” in any of the founding documents. I have found the “right to life” in the Declaration of Independence – that’s a pretty important piece of parchment. I have read in the Constitution where we are trying to secure the blessings of liberty to our posterity as well as ourselves. It seems to me that “life” for our “posterity” pretty well speaks against killing our children.
My Church and State Policy
“Freedom of religion shall not be abridged” means exactly what it says. We’ve arrived at this point in our society because God has been thrown out of everything He was once involved in. Americans are supposed to be free to worship God in the manner prescribed by their particular faith. As long as you don’t take it to the point where you’re interfering with someone else’s right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”, practice your religion the way you see fit. I’m behind you all the way whether you’re a Christian, Jew, Muslim, Taoist or Whatever.
Nobody is going to force you into doing something to honor their religious practices so don’t expect any special treatment regarding yours. If your religion requires you to pray nine or ten times a day and your employer or school cannot disrupt everything and everybody for you to do so, or if they won’t spend thousands of dollars so you can pray in the environment of your choice, don’t tell the government about it. Work it out.
If someone is “offended” by the way you worship your God, they’ll be advised that the rest of us are offended by the way they don’t worship any god at all, so everyone has to just get over it and get along. Putting a manger scene during Christmas, a menorah during Chanukah, celebrating Kwanzaa or displaying a crescent moon and star during Ramadan on the courthouse square is not the establishment of a state religion. It’s recognizing that many faiths make up America. I’m all for it.
I can’t find the term “Separation of Church and State” in the Constitution and neither can you. The President is sworn to uphold the Constitution and not the constitution that some people would like it to be. I don’t want to hear that phrase “Separation of Church and State” again for the next eight years. Worship God or don’t worship God but keep it out of the government’s to decide. We’ve already stated our position once and we don’t need to keep stating it over and over again.
My Policy on Terrorism and Terrorists
Once upon a time there were two huge buildings in downtown Manhattan that are no longer there. If you plot or perform one act of terrorism against the United States or one of our citizens, the same thing will be said about you – “no longer there”. If you are plotting terrorism against the United States, you just lost all your rights. You don’t have a right to habeas corpus, you don’t have a right to “reasonable” search and seizure, you don’t have a right to your privacy and you don’t have a right to go about your life in the manner in which you see fit.
If we have reason to believe you are plotting terrorism, we’ll use every means available to determine whether you are or you are not. Be prepared to be trailed, tapped and watched in everything you do or say. Plot terrorism against the United States and your loved ones will speak of you fondly but in the past tense.
If somehow you slip through our nets and are actually successful in some terrorist action, we’ll hunt you down like ol’ Bullitt trees a coon and the only terror you’ll experience ever again is the terror in your eyes when you realize what Bullitt’s reward is for finding you. Dinner is served.
My Policy on Drugs
If you’ve got a prescription for a drug – take the drug. If the prescription drug is going to alter your perception of reality, you might want to take that into consideration when you’re using it. Other than that, it’s simply a matter of legal drugs or illegal drugs.
If you take illegal drugs, stop now. If you need help stopping, we’ll help you. If you’re addicted to illegal drugs and you want to get help, we’re going to try to help you. We’ll have some programs for those who use or are addicted and want to make something positive of themselves without the drug. If you’re addicted and you don’t want to get help, we’re not going to force you to get help. We’re also not going to just give you any help, either. Refer to my Domestic Economic Policy, specifically about welfare reform.
If you’re using illegal drugs for recreational purposes, you might try camping or fishing instead. Possession of illegal drugs is illegal and slaps on the wrist are not punishment that fits the crime. You are going to do some time.
If you sell illegal drugs, you might want to find another line of work. We will do everything within our power to hang an “Out of Business” sign right on the front of your business establishment – and I mean everything. Once we’ve captured you, it’s off to one of those Quonset huts for awhile. If you haven’t learned your lesson after that and sell again, it’s off to the same Quonset hut for the rest of your miserable life.
If you sell illegal drugs to someone under eighteen years of age, you’ve sold illegal drugs to a minor and that is not going to be tolerated. Say goodbye to freedom forever. “Three strikes and you’re out!” is only applicable in baseball – not the illegal trafficking of drugs.
If you try to smuggle drugs into the United States of America – well, you should know by now that life as you used to know it is over. We will take your drugs along with your freedom, seize everything you own, sell it for as much as we can get out of it and use the money to help those you used to supply to get you and your drugs out of their system. Refer to paragraph two of this section.
My Policy on Gun Control
No, my policy on Gun Control is not defining it as “using both hands”. I’ve already explained my policy on committing a crime using a gun and how I feel about Conceal and Carry but there are other issues with Gun Control that I’ve not addressed at this point.
Criminals of any level don’t get guns – ever – for the rest of their lives. People under twenty-one don’t get guns until they’re at least twenty-one. You can take your child hunting with you with your and his/her legally registered gun after you’ve both obtained permits after taking gun-safety courses but the adult is completely, totally and irrefutable responsible for the child’s behavior as well as his own.
You might think twice before carrying a gun while you’re under the influence of alcohol or any drug – legal or illegal – that might hamper your ability to reason clearly. Remember – driving under the influence or public intoxication is illegal which means it’s a crime. If using a gun to commit a crime is going to be immediate life imprisonment, having a gun during the commission of a crime will be a pretty serious offense as well. So having too many beers while you’re shooting up Bambi might not be a real good idea – and driving a vehicle while under the influence and carrying a weapon will be just a dumb thing to do.
My Policy on Race Relations
Rodney King had the right idea. Why can’t we all just get along?
If you voted for Barack Obama, someone will call you’re a sexist pig. If you voted for Hilary Clinton, you’re going to be called a racist Nazi. If you vote for John McCain, you're voting for an extension of the current president. Let’s quit trying to divide everybody and start bringing people together.
One of the biggest reasons there is so much racism and sexism in this country is because we focus on it so much. If we stopped trying to find a racist or sexist or any kind of negative comment or action in anything anyone of a race or gender different from ours says or does, there’d be less racism, sexism or any number of "isms" to deal with.
Incremental punishment for “hate crimes”, however will be abolished. Nobody’s life is more important than another’s because of the color of their skin or any other criteria – so someone isn’t going to suffer more punishment because his crime is seen as being more heinous against one race than another.
Affirmative Action does not lead to positive results. It is against the law to make race, color, creed, etc. a criteria for special consideration in hiring and promoting so it will be against the law to make race, color, creed, etc. a criteria for special consideration in hiring and promoting. Affirmative Action is Negative Action. It should be demeaning to the self-respect of an individual to think that he or she was selected solely because of the color of their skin. If it isn’t demeaning to the person – they’ve got other problems as well and they’re probably not the kind of person you’d want to hire or promote anyway.
My Past and My Skeletons
Yeah, I got both. So do you. So does everyone else. If you really think a couple of tokes on this or that thirtysomething years ago makes a difference today (and I did inhale), then vote for somebody else because I’m not your guy. If you think I’m going worry about what some chick says about some one-nighter thirtysomething years ago, you are highly mistaken. She probably doesn’t remember it any better than I do. I’ve been divorced – twice. But I’ve been married to my third and favorite wife for 25+ years. That’s a pretty good record.
And yessiree, I’ve been drunk before – hundreds of times. I’ve even driven when I was under the influence. That was thirtysomething years ago, too. Heck, I’ve even been arrested once for disorderly conduct and spent three hours in jail – again thirtysomething years ago. What have YOU done in the last thirtysomething years ago that you wish you hadn’t?
There – I’ve saved you a lot of time looking for some dirt on me. There it is. Make something of that.
My Closing Remarks
To those who believe these stances and positions are way too harsh and way too negative, I can only say that I wish circumstances in my country weren’t the way they are that got us to the point of needing stances and positions like this to straighten things out for us. This country is totally out of control. This is not the same United States that my father’s friends stormed the beaches of Anzio, Normandy and Iwo Jima for. This is not the same America for which The Greatest Generation flocked to the military recruiter’s office on December 8, 1941. No, I don’t want to go back to the way things were back then, but I wouldn’t mind returning the pride in America and in each other that was alive back then.
This country is being completely destroyed from the inside out and we’re standing by watching it happen, wringing our hands and wishing Superman or Batman or even Underdog would come and rescue us. That’s not going to happen. If you want somebody to save the America you love and return it to the greatest country on the planet, why don’t you do it? Why don’t you draw a line in the sand and dare the destructive forces to cross it? Even better – why don’t we all do it together? If we do it together, we’ll likely be more successful and appreciate it even more!
It doesn’t matter whether you’re Christian or Jewish or Muslim or whatever. It doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, red or chartreuse. It doesn’t matter if you’re male, female or somewhere in between. The principles that we all have in common are what counts. We’re so busy celebrating our differences that we’ve forgotten what got us together in the first place – the things we have in common! Stop thinking about me, me, me and start thinking about us, us, us or there won’t be any us, us, us for you to be you, you, you in.
There’s nothing wrong with peace, respect for your neighbor, working toward a common goal, or taking back your neighborhood, your city, your state and your country from the thugs and gang scum that have taken it from you. America is made up of decent law-abiding people who have had their country stolen, sold out from under them or taken over by intimidation. America is better than that. You’re better than that.
Yeah, I’m taking a pretty hard stance on a lot of things but look what not taking a hard stance on anything has done for us. And do I think I can get all of this accomplished in four or eight years by myself? No, not by myself, but I believe you and I together can make a pretty good run at it. I believe that those who want the real America back can make such a run at it that the next leader of our country will be afraid not to keep up the momentum.
I’m going to have to rely on you and you’re going to have to rely on me. I’ll try to do exactly what I’ve said I’ll do in this document but you’ve got to help. You’ve got to vote not only for me, but vote for those who believe in the same things you believe in. All of the things we agree on and would like to see done don’t mean anything if we don’t get the legislators to go along with it. If your legislator doesn’t agree with the way you believe – put him or her on unemployment. Within two years we can change 100% of the House of Representatives and 33% of the Senate to see things our way and return this country to greatness and respect all over the world. What’s even more is that we can return respect for America to ourselves.
This land is your land – it’s the land that you love. You wouldn’t stand quietly by while someone raped, degraded, disrespected, murdered and disembodied one of your loved ones, would you? You wouldn’t stand idly by if one of your loved ones was destroying themselves from within, would you? Why, then are we standing by while people are destroying your country – the place where you and your loved ones can have the best the world has to offer – and doing it from the inside?
One of the main candidates keeps talking about “change”. I’m talking about change, too. I have no idea what kind of change that candidate is trying to bring about, but you’ve read the kind of change I’m trying to bring about. We’re going to have “change” alright but it’s up to you to decide what kind of change you want. I want to take back America from those who are trying to destroy it and return it to those who are willing to work, sweat, vote, pray, cry, fight, bleed and die for it.
Those who agree with my policies aren’t going to give one hoot about me having some beer in the past, some fling I may have had or a $25 suspended fine thirty six years ago. Those who do give a hoot about one or more of those things and actually think that has any bearing on me executing the office of president today – vote for Obama or McCain. Now there’s two decisive, firm leaders with a purpose. You’ll get change with them too, but I don’t think you’ll be able to afford to “keep the change”.
God Bless America and Long May It Wave.
May I count on your vote?
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Announcing my Candidacy
After weeks of contemplation and now that it appears the Democrats and Republicans have settled on their choices to carry their respective banners forward, I have come to the conclusion that neither major candidate has shown me any good reason to vote for him. Therefore, I am announcing my candidacy for President of the United States, open to any viable third party or on my own as a write-in.
The politicians have screwed me, screwed you and screwed this country into the shape it’s in and they have proven that being a politician does not automatically make one either a statesman or a leader. A politician makes deals and postures to get re-elected. A leader makes decisions, takes a firm and unwavering stance on his/her convictions and says, “Follow me”.
I cannot be convinced that the American Citizen – if they had been given the opportunity – would have made decisions and adopted policies that have weakened us to the point where we find ourselves today. I am convinced, however that the American Citizen wants a leader that will stand for something instead of fall for anything. I am convinced the American Citizen can support a leader who has a direction to lead instead of checking public opinion before making up his/her mind which shiny object they’re going to chase. I am even convinced the American Citizen can disagree with some of the policies of a true leader in exchange for the security and knowledge that the leader is taking this country somewhere instead of nowhere in particular or around in a circle.
Both candidates are now talking about “change” but I have yet to hear what they’re going to “change”, how they’re going to “change” it and what it will look like once it’s “changed”. So over the next few weeks, I will be informing Mr. and Mrs. American Citizen of my platform and how I intend to proceed should you decide to honor me with the opportunity to lead you. The planks in my platform will be clear changes that need implementation, you’ll know what the change will look like once we’ve made the changes and you can be assured that my goals and policies won’t change this coming January 21st. Whether or not you think I’m the best candidate is up to you, but at least you’ll know what you’ll be getting ahead of time instead of hoping the wind doesn’t change and the leader follow the next breeze.
God Bless America and Long May it Wave!
The politicians have screwed me, screwed you and screwed this country into the shape it’s in and they have proven that being a politician does not automatically make one either a statesman or a leader. A politician makes deals and postures to get re-elected. A leader makes decisions, takes a firm and unwavering stance on his/her convictions and says, “Follow me”.
I cannot be convinced that the American Citizen – if they had been given the opportunity – would have made decisions and adopted policies that have weakened us to the point where we find ourselves today. I am convinced, however that the American Citizen wants a leader that will stand for something instead of fall for anything. I am convinced the American Citizen can support a leader who has a direction to lead instead of checking public opinion before making up his/her mind which shiny object they’re going to chase. I am even convinced the American Citizen can disagree with some of the policies of a true leader in exchange for the security and knowledge that the leader is taking this country somewhere instead of nowhere in particular or around in a circle.
Both candidates are now talking about “change” but I have yet to hear what they’re going to “change”, how they’re going to “change” it and what it will look like once it’s “changed”. So over the next few weeks, I will be informing Mr. and Mrs. American Citizen of my platform and how I intend to proceed should you decide to honor me with the opportunity to lead you. The planks in my platform will be clear changes that need implementation, you’ll know what the change will look like once we’ve made the changes and you can be assured that my goals and policies won’t change this coming January 21st. Whether or not you think I’m the best candidate is up to you, but at least you’ll know what you’ll be getting ahead of time instead of hoping the wind doesn’t change and the leader follow the next breeze.
God Bless America and Long May it Wave!
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